Homeless - 94

Continuing...

Now, let's talk about the medications. I take them in the morning and evening at meal times. They make me feel groggy, sleepy and/or dizzy when standing, devoid of energy and ambition that I used to feel in executing my daily activities. I really don't want to sleep walk through life but these drugs make it pretty damn easy. Did I have mention that I have things to do?  I'm compelled to take a power nap in the late mornings and mid-evenings. Maybe I could do this in another lifestyle but in my current one, not so much. Taking a bunch of pills to stay alive seems unpalatable to me especially when they degrade my physicality.

Growing old was not supposed to be like this, at least not to my younger, naive perception. I can take the decreased physicality, not being able to out run, out fight and out fuck any mammal on the planet but having to take drugs to stay alive wasn't anticipated. That attribute alone degrades the quality of life for me. I know what you're thinking. Taking drugs to stay alive should be a no-brainer. We're trained and educated to value life and to prolong it at nearly any cost. The fear of death is ingrained within us but is a life plagued by sickness and decreased physicality worth the trouble?

Of course, the pharmaceuticals and insurance industry are dry stroking themselves all over the place with the legalized cash cow that they have in place. Their business models are based on treating the disease, not curing it. I fail to see the difference between the legal and illegal drug pushers.

Wait, I got it! One is legal because it consistently makes 'donations' to politicians to enact laws to ensure their continuing profitability of said industries that manipulate our existing capitalistic system for their benefit. I don't know what term to apply our economic system but it ain't capitalism. We'll get to that in a later post.

And there is the other thing about getting old - vision. I swear, when we reach a certain age. does our DNA computer throw the 'fuck it' switch, preparing for a mortality flush? Anyway, I didn't need glasses until '08. The optometrist said that I had developing cataracts. It seems that the UV technology has gotten better over the years but I spent a lot of time outdoors when that tech wasn't as good as it is today.

These days I very rarely venture out of my section; well, only rarely but with a recon during daylight hours if I need to be at a place at a certain time. Images are a bit fuzzy at about forty meters and beyond. Hell, a drunken pygmy could sneak up on me. When BT is traveling at warp, my interpretation and decision time is limited or non-existent and nobody's reflexes are that good to make adjustments. The optometrist said that my condition can easily be cured by laser surgery. That means, according to her, that an optometrist who is skilled in the finer aspects of employing lasers, can fine tune those puppies to burn that evil from my eyes and restore my full eyesight. I'm assuming that said optometrist will adjust the laser from 'vaporize bulldozer' to 'fix eyeballs'. And the procedure only costs eight thousand dollars.

So again, if any of you know of an optometrist in the Dallas area who is adept in this kind of surgery and willing to do pro bono work, let me know.

Lastly, there is the diet thingy. Since my current lifestyle became active, I don't have access to food storage and preparation. I'm sure that the detrimental effects of having the fast food industry supply your main source of meals has been remarked upon a time or two. When you have limited means, there aren't that many healthy alternatives. Also, from time to time, a free meal is offered at those establishments via coupons. My home-cooked meals are few and far in between. These days, I eat a couple of decent meals a week at Norma's Cafe - good stuff. Three or four times a week, I eat a two dollar salad from a Kroger's salad bar. Beyond the nuts and dried fruit that I keep in BT, it is fast food (high-fat, high- cholesterol, high-death quotient) that supplies the remainder of my diet; always kids' meals though. As it is, perhaps too much, given my current medical condition. During cold weather, those visits increase. On cold mornings I visit a Brahms for a biscuit and something, plus they have the morning paper.

At the beginning of this lifestyle, I knew that working out was a high priority in maintaining health. I had thought that exercise would counter balance my genetic heritage which is a poor one at best. On the maternal side, there was cancer, circulatory problems, heart attacks and Alzheimer's. On my father's side, well, I only have one example - him. I met him a couple of times in my life, the last time being in the early '80's during my first college tour. At that time, he had had three bypasses, babbled like an idiot and had a huge belly - ain't no telling the last time he saw his dick without the aid of a mirror. That experience disgusted and scared me. I wondered at that time if my genetics would make me turn out that way. So far, I can look down and still see the floor. However, forget about long walks in the woods. I'm fortunate to be able to walk down two or three grocery aisles without my legs cramping up.

Well, life goes on for now, a heartbeat and a breath at a time.

Next time...

Homeless - 93

Greetings,

The year of 2013 didn't begin as well as most other years in my life; not that those times were legendary by any measure.

There were times in the final quarter of '12 that my toes would ache, especially my left big toe. I know that it sounds wimpy but consider the usage that those appendages endure and you may be able to see their value. During those times the pain would be enough to keep me from sleeping or rouse me from sleep. Walking to class on a spacious campus without valet parking became an ordeal. My calves would cramp up and I would have to sit until they subsided. I had no problems during a hard workout but a few minutes afterward, I couldn't put any pressure on my left foot without whimpering  like the lightweight I am. After a few minutes the pain would go away.

I know what you're thinking but I don't have medical insurance. I thought, and hoped, that the condition was temporary. I think that is called denial. And that toe was turning all sorts of unpleasant colors.

The first week in January, the discomfort escalated enough that I thought to hell with it and went to an ER.. To make a short story even shorter (?), I have high blood pressure, extremely so. That condition initiated a response on their part that consisted of throwing two tiny pills down my throat. Then they withdrew blood for lab analysis. Then a sonogram (?) tech came in to do a probe on my left leg. Previously, the ER nurse tried to get me to shed clothes and put on a hospital gown - you know, one of those flimsy garments with easy access to your butt. I told her that that ain't happening and removed the outer layers of what I was wearing until I was down to tank top and shorts. Did I mention the cold weather? Anyway, I drifted off during the hour-long sonogram procedure three times and apologized. The tech replied it was common due to the BP medication I was given.

The ER doctor returned later with the analysis - clogged arteries in my legs were the cause of lower leg cramps and the pain in my toes. He said that this event was a wake-up call. The obstruction of blood flow that was causing the pain could have easily been an event in my heart or brain. He gave me prescriptions for pain, high BP and cholesterol-lowering medications. Thanks to Wallmart, I can get them cheaply. He also urged the care of a primary care doctor. He said that the BP has to come down and that I need the attention of a vascular surgeon in the near future. But before that visit, I need a couple of tests performed to determine the degree of blockage in my circulatory system before the vascular surgeon can address my issues. I was given a list of low-cost clinics for continuing care. After much phone work, I found one and scheduled an appointment for the following week.

After the clinic doctor reviewed my medical data, she prescribed more of the same meds sans painkillers; seems that the clinic doesn't deal in that med. She also urged reduced physical activity; no working out but stretching out is okay. Whoopee-do but I employed her advice and still do but I cheat a little by doing low reps and lower weights. It ain't the same as a good workout.

Okay, now I have a death sentence hanging over my head. Intellectually, we all know that being born entails that somewhere down our path on this planet, we die. On an emotional level, it is an entirely different story. All the activities that person performs during the course of a day acquires an enhanced degree of immediacy and value - nothing is taken for granted.

The thing I'm wondering is the appearance of this condition. I broke a little finger playing water volleyball in '04 or '05. I know; that sounds kind of wimpy, too. That injury necessitated surgery. Since I hadn't seen a doctor in years, the surgeon wanted some tests done - cardiac stress test (including sonogram of my young supple heart in action - I saw the movie) and blood analysis. Everything came back green. Did my current condition develop since moving into BT in '07?

So if any of you know of a vascular surgeon in the Dallas area who is willing to prolong my life on a pro bono basis, please let me know. After all, there are things I want to accomplish before I leave the planet.

And as if the gods, being the fickle bitches that they are, didn't pile enough on my plate, I contracted the flu a couple of days after the ER visit.

In my experience, you're walking along minding your own business and something at the visceral level throws a switch and you know you're coming down with some evil. Oh no, not this time for me. It was a full court press. I suddenly started shivering, sinuses knotted up and a fever came upon my young hide for a few moments and then subsided. The gods were letting me know that my butt was theirs and the next twelve days were a miserable time, bundled up in BT. Oddly enough, my illness coincided.with the coldest night temperatures for the Dallas area. Knowing the contagious aspect of this evil, I shunned humans; no visiting the rec center for scrubbing up, no visiting the library. I also had no interest in eating. I lost weight. Normally, I'm around 195 - 200 pounds. During that time, my weight dropped to 180.

I pulled through that evil to a more joyous time - that of feeling well.

Continuing in next post...