Homeless - 53

Greetings, fellow mammals,

Black Thunder is wired with a premium alarm system with a remote start feature that both cost nearly $1000 the day that destiny steered her into my path. I have no doubt that the alarm system has saved her young, shining ebony hide from the fate of hauling cocoa products somewhere between here and Antarctica which was probably the fate of my previous unalarmed truck that was ripped off three months after I made the last payment - stolen less than 20 meters from my apartment door! I have been unable to utilize this particular function of BT since last year due to the fact that the two remotes that came with the original installation package have ceased to confidently function properly but I am unable to replace the original remotes that normally costs around $30 each because they have been replaced with remotes that costs $150 by an alarm company that merged with BT's original alarm company as well as others and to increase their bottom line, 'introduced a pricier replacement. At this time, that remote is out of my reach, financially speaking. Yet, since I'm with BT the majority of the hours of a given day, maybe the alarm is not a high priority item at this time. If any one tries to rip her off, they will also steal me and both of us may be in Columbia toiling in the refinement of 'marching powder'.You got to hand it to those corporate pricks; they open a vein and suck it dry and move to the next one. A pox upon them and their ilk.

Usually, I keep a couple of bottles of water in BT for drinking, teeth brushing, washing bird deposits off of BT and for pouring over my long, lean frame to rinse the sweat off after returning from a long trek in the Texas heat during the summer while standing next to a busy thruway on a weekday rush hour. Where, oh where, are the dollars? I do keep my reflexes in tune by dodging the thrown rocks though. These bottles used to contain soda that I converted to another use - mini silos of water, all 20 ounces of them for drinking. I would refill them several times with water and then throw them away due to a slight concern of bacteria that I was responsible for placing in them. Well, it now turns out that the rascally petroleum molecule used in manufacturing those products is unstable. Hello, FDA?!? Didn't you guys see this eventuality when you approved the product? It seems that the chemical used in making those bottles seems to break down and exude harmful stuff that ain't good for your DNA, or for you, after the original contents are consumed. Of course, the way to protect yourself from this dastardly byproduct is to use the bottles one time and then buy another. It seems that for us to keep somewhat healthy in our consumer driven society we have to buy more stuff. Oh yeeah, the FDA is doing it's job...to protect and serve...but whom? A pox upon our faithful watchdog as well.


And while we are in this area, there is another question that begs to be asked but first let's recap the uses of that petroleum molecule that has made life so much easier and contributed significantly to the bottom line. Chemists, years ago, discovered how amendable that molecule was to manipulate to yield a variety of products - plastic bags of every type, contact lenses, tires, vehicle parts, roadway surfaces, spandex, cellphones, sound speaker parts, reflexive armor, bullets, computer parts, tie downs, tie ups, shoes, clothing, animal leashes, IUDs, components of deep space probes and orbital weapons platforms, tie rights, tie lefts, plastic cups/straws/flatware, aircraft, robots and ...sex toys. Oh, yeah, I imagine there are those types of implements for every sex possible though I know of only two but I am concerned with those particular products that women use that are referred to as dildos, vibrators or by their Latin scientific name - vibro dildonious. Yes, gentlemen, it s a an uncomfortable fact that these implements have had a significant historical impact since before the birth of Christ. I have no problem with their contribution to the overall mental health of the human female population; it keeps them from making mistakes with humans that carry the Y chromosome. In fact, I think every home should have one. In my younger days, I saw these tools as manifestations of Satan and the natural enemy of heterosexual men everywhere but with age comes wisdom and I have since revised my viewpoint. It is fortunate that those implements lack the facilities to mow the yard, open a newly bought jar that has a twist off lid or...or...well, basically that's all I got. It's a wonder that any life form with Y chromosome has not been expeditiously hunted to extinction with extreme prejudice. I've read that ancient Oriental culture conceived, developed, fashioned and refined the genesis of this technology while their men were off conquering the world. What's a woman to do when her 'significant other' is away, with no malls or HD cable TV and a bunch of camels outside the tent contributing to the greenhouse problem? In modern times this alternative has came into it's own and enjoys a wide appeal. In the olden days, the implements were made of wood or ivory, polished and unpowered by anything like a couple of DD batteries or a 10 horsepower combustion engine that is rated in orgasms per gallon of fuel. Today, they are fashioned out of plastic with a wide spectrum of power options, up to and including the dedicated output of a nuclear reactor. What's the FDA going to say about this issue? Sorry, ladies, one or two uses and you better buy another one because of the unstable molecule emissions might engender vaginal explosions of unprecedented proportions ...or when the new car doesn't smell like a new car anymore. Hopefully, there is a human female CEO on top of this issue. I don't' know about the rest of ya'll but I want the vaginae of the world to be safe and unmutated...and the women happy because if the woman of the house ain't happy, nobody's happy.

I have to wonder what other variations of that molecule will prove to be harmful. I hope it they are discovered before we start growing additional body parts and find them fashionable.

Later,


David

Homeless - 52

Hiya,

Welcome to the southwest's version of monsoon season. It can get a little dicey around here for humans as well as for trees, mobile homes, drunks who forgot where they parked their vehicle and the occasional midnight stalking cat. No one said that this section of the galaxy is safe.

I think we can safely assume that cold weather has retreated from these arts for awhile. Repeatedly sleeping in a vehicle sounds worse than it actually is despite being sober. Though lacking the room service amenities of an upper tier establishments, the cold nights in BT were OK. The first couple of nights when it was below freezing did present me with some unpleasant possible outcomes - like my frozen young carcass being dragged out of BT and dropped on the ground by some butter fingered EMTs. Luckily, that didn't happen thanks to thick outer wear and a couple of blankets. More than a couple of mornings, I awoke to the same iced Dr. Pepper that I drank from several hours ago that still had plenty of ice. The darkness and quiet of those early mornings were almost surreal, having a few inhalations of tobacco, sipping the DP and listening to the cab of the truck creak while warming up from the night. Looking back over the last summer and winter, I can say it is easier to sleep in the coolness of fall and winter if your accommodations have four wheels - and you don't live in Alaska. There were several nights of last summer that I remember when it was too hot and humid to sleep during the night. And there were a couple of nights when I was saved from the merciless ravages of heat and humidity by benefactresses and retired for the night in a cool, crisp AC environment. Maybe this summer, other options will present themselves as solutions to those circumstances - like winning the lotto. An 'abrupt contract termination' at this time is highly undesirable since that would negate a couple of ongoing tactical goals...such as procurement of a new swimsuit for the summer pool activities. Ah yes, one can easily perceive the wide-ranging cosmic significance and impact of my plans

At the end of February, I happen to come into ownership of a couple of large bars of soap that wasn't exactly cheap - say, Ivory bar soap cheap. I got them at a deeply discounted price. They contain a lot of the good girly stuff that is supposed to be beneficial for the ol' epidermal layer, if you happen to have one. I don't have shower facilities dedicated for my private use which would provide an opportunity to prolong the life of the soap. I was at a loss of how to achieve the maximum yield of the product without it turning into a pool of mush and evolving into, with the aid of a radioactive spider or a bolt of lightning, a malicious life form bent on world domination that would use Black Thunder as the primary base of operations to launch an effort to secure this quadrant of the galaxy. One early Sunday morning while having the free cup of coffee at a grocery store, I wandered over to the bath products aisle and spotted a likely candidate meekly hanging out with the luffdas. Basically, it's a 'sock' that you put the bar soap in, cinch the drawstring tight, wet, rub vigorously (?) and presto, suds! Then you proceed to scrub every body part (except for one!) that you can reach and those sissy luffdas don't have nothing compared to this puppy. Think of it as a close relative to a SOS pad - there ain't no loose scaly stuff attached to your young hide when you step out of the shower. In fact, there might be some live cells on the shower floor lamenting about the cruel premature separation from the host before their time. Afterwards, using the drawstring, I loop it around the bungee-thingy cord in the truck bed and secure it with a paper clamp that I had in my on board office supply cache, which seems to remain oddly intact these days, allowing the bar to dry out in the outside Texas air. No doubt this has prolonged the life of the product since there is a little less than half left with usage of at least six times a week since the first of March. And, of course, the added benefit of one less possible threat the planet has to contend with. After a respectable rain, that section of the truck bed does smells kind of girly which BT has no problem with.

Speaking of soap, I mentioned that I bought a bar of Clinique facial soap and moisturizer for men...ehhh, human males at least. Unfortunately, I had to pay full retail price for those products which aren't cheap but are well worth it. Pity that they are not for sale at Walgreen's. I never knew the feeling of squeaky clean until the first usage of that facial soap. Anyway, I found myself in the same quandary as with the bath soap - prolonging the life of the product and keeping the planet safe from alien domination. As it turned out, I had been carrying the solution with me since embarking on this homeless trek. In my past life, I was a regular user of a peel off mask called bullie that came in a four ounce jar. This stuff really works. First, wash clean shaven face, bring medium pot of water to boil, set pot on table, drape towel over head and endure for five minutes. I imagine some people would snake a hose from a bong under the towel to keep them occupied but that is neither here nor there. After five minutes, disengage from pot (?), wash face again and apply the bullie stuff and wait 15-20-30 minutes. I imagine some people at this point would attend to additional bong responsibilities but then again, that is neither here nor there. After the wait time, peel off product. This stuff would take the hair off a cat - provided the cat was patient enough for the five minute steaming over a pot of hot water. This stuff comes off in large sections, pulling stuff off of and out of facial skin that you never knew existed and were afraid to think about. Anyway, I had been carrying that jar around and had maybe a third of the product left. Since I currently lack facilities for the proper utilization of the product, I chucked the contents and washed out the jar. Using an upper tier box cutter, again, obtained at a deeply discounted price, I cut off a third of the Clinique bar soap and it fit perfectly within the jar. It is small enough that I can carry it in my bitch purse when I visit public facilities and not use the ugly stuff that is freely dispensed in those places of evil. Quite possibly, I'm the only homeless human in this section of the galaxy who carries premium facial soap as an essential element of their daily hygiene.

I may have mentioned that I joined the workout facility where I shower at. The cost for the monthly access is $10 and upon joining for a two month access at the cost of $20, you get a free T-shirt. The facility is quite small with one person present and downright crowded with three people attending. My intention, beyond getting the free signature fashion statement, was to make use of some of the dumbbell weights that my primary workout facility lacked due to a ...'deeply discounted' endeavor. Someone had elected to steal one, not two but one, dumbbell of two particular weights. Somewhere in this sector there is a one-armed human with a well developed...one arm or some other bodily appendage that is frightening to ponder. Using the two months paid membership, I was able to get strong enough to use the heavier weights in the other facility that I don't pay for. Naturally, I haven't renewed that membership since that $10 can support my tobacco habit for 8 - 10 days or buy me five quality beers that are not brewed inside a horse for 30 minutes. Well, that brew could be using a horse of higher pedigree and a longer fermentation time with higher quality ingredients provided the horse in question did not get shot right there on the track at the conclusion of the race. I bet that event wasn't anticipated in the ticket price.

Other equipment has been 'liberated' from the 'free' facility. Someone ripped off a lat pulldown bar that I use for ...lat pulldowns and tricep ... pulldowns - really don't know the technical terms for those exercises. Why would anyone steal a lat pulldown bar for? Did they break the one that went with the machine that is in their apartment? Perhaps they are using it via some Willie E. Coyote scheme to maximize the output of their water pipe. That bar is instrumental for my complete workout. Thankfully, the apartment management replaced it in a couple of days. Another items missing is connecting clips that marries the weight machine to a lat pulldown bar, rowing thingy, etc. Somebody saw a private need for those also. As I mentioned, a complete workout is a tremendous boost to my psychological and...physical well-being. After looking around for those pear-shaped clips and finding none, anticipating feeling partially emasculated by an incomplete workout, I spotted the one that linked the punching bag to the hoist that controlled the height of the bag which also has been absent due to someones selfish need for such equipment in their quarters. After brushing the cobwebs off the clip, seriously, I was able to use it for a complete workout and I took it with me to prevent any workout situations in the future that would leave me unfulfilled. And what would those clips be used for? Hanging a deer carcass? Orthodontic care? Roach clip? The place also has a couple of color TV sets with expanded cable that have been ripped off several times over the years. Did I mention that the facility also has security cameras? I swear... can't have nuthin' nice these days.

But we adapt and move on...after removing certain DNA contributions to the gene pool.

David