Homeless - 45

Greetings, fellow Christmas humans,

Hope yours is going well. Did you get your pets a Christmas gift? Did you get any gifts? The weather in this section of the planetary grid has been sunny and in the low 60's today - most excellent. I sat by the pool in the afternoon sun wearing a tank top and shorts enjoying a drink with the household's trusty canine at my naked feet. There is something to be said about having a pool in your back yard. Imagine hopping out the shower and walking out to the pool area wearing nothing but a towel and a grin, to dry your long, flowing grey hair in the sun while the gentle breeze caresses your young hide and run through some stretching and levitation exercises...all in privacy, of course. Yeah, well, I never did get around to that...

I have been house sitting since last Saturday for a benefactor, the one I wrote of before with the house, the pool, the large backyard. It has been enjoyable interlude during these days of life. It has been awhile since I've been able to sleep stretched out for several hours at a time. He also granted unrestricted access to food, basically unlimited refrigerator privileges. The leftovers that the family had were...formidable...and there is a low probability that those remnants will be present when the family returns, especially the salad fixins. I hope that I have been taking care of the kitchen in a manner that is pleasing to the matriarch of the household - took me a little while to find out where the Tupperware is stored. It is a pleasure to have a unhurried, balanced hot meal sitting at a table and eating in the quiet with a loyal canine sitting nearby, doubtless being alert for any scraps that may fall which there have not been any to date. The liquor supply may be reduced but there will be enough for his return. I did catch a light buzz Monday and Tuesday evenings and nobody got hurt and the neighborhood and residents are well and in one piece. For those of you that are not that well informed in the man rules, that is rule #142 section B2. You always leave enough liquor, etc. (if applicable) for the owner of the residence to enjoy a good buzz after a long journey in the return to home. I need to write a book about those rules in the near future; it would save a lot of misunderstandings among males and may help the female portion of human race to understand things about us males a bit better. Oh, and the morning showers - had forgotten the sense of well-being that goes with regular access to nominal cleaning facilities. I was able to revisit some of he TV shows that I used to watch - the science and military shows most notably. I didn't have time to watch one of my favorites - the weather channel. I doubt that that show is negatively impacted by the Hollywood writers' strike.

I also had the responsibility of looking after the canine domesticus of the compound. She is a good natured dog with curiosity and fun showing in her eyes. Some dogs don't look you in the eyes while the ones that do sometimes show feelings of submission, fear, shyness or anger. I think that you can tell a bit about a companion's life history by how they look at you. We went for a walk in the park earlier today where she frolicked a bit. She has me trained as far as mealtimes go. She also responds favorably when I say 'pretty girl' or 'yo, bitch'. She seemed to enjoyed the freshly raked back yard today, laying on her back and rolling around in it. Judging by her participation in the yard cleaning activity, I was able to surmise that the mutt is seriously lacking in lawn care skills. Maybe I can teach her a couple of tricks before I leave...like chainsaw juggling and using the phone.

Yes, I raked the back yard but It wasn't planned. I went to use some the weights that the benefactor has on the patio but they had cobwebs and dust all over them. Apparently, this family didn't have any problems using equipment in such a state but me - well, I don't want to get my hands dirty while my sinews are rippling under this bronze hide of mine. So I located a broom and cleaned the area as well as the entire patio area and realized that I made a clean spot. I had to move several dead plants out of the way but was careful to use...caution; could have been some DNA experiments in progress. So I continued around the pool area until it was satisfactory...and noticed the effects of trees in winter has on a well manicured lawn. Yes, I then located a rake and commenced a rakin'. The canine assisted in the mode of a supervisory function. I was unable to locate any suitable bags to contain the dead leaves beyond the one that I already filled as well as one of my own (a stylish light blue one from the library's eco-thingy effort) so I had to leave the remainder in two large piles toward the western boundary of the fence. I thought of asking the neighbor that borrowed his lawnmower (hasn't returned yet) and leaning on them for certain lawn supplies but thought that that may not go such a long way toward a positive neighborhood atmosphere. Yes, I looked in the on site shed but didn't see anything that fit my current needs though I did notice several legal substances (gasoline, ant stuff, oil, plant food, etc.) that could be utilized to produce a large bang, flash of light and possible municipal destruction but since today wasn't close to July 4th, I refrained. Also, I was concerned that I may be infringing upon one of his winter equinox rituals. For I all know, the family could be using the leaves in some ancient pagan ritual hat I have no idea about and really, really don't want to know. Also I was concerned that I may come across some bodies or parts thereof - no, really. I can see that capability in his two daughters; the son isn't old enough yet to access certain DNA vectored traits.

The pool of the compound could have used some touching up but I failed to locate the appropriate implement and decided that the current meteorological conditions prohibited jumping in the pool to gather the leaves and other non-pool items. Should an unscheduled life threatening situation arise precipitated by such action, it occurred to me that the mutt possessing life saving skills had a low order of probability. And I doubted that any help would come from the two duck decoys that the benefactor has adorned the pool area with.

I took this opportunity to wash my entire compliment of clothes, blankets, towels, etc. and categorized them in a different order of need. After I retrieved all of it from the truck, I was surprised at the size of the pile. I also touched up BT - vacuumed (grey hair everywhere!), window cleaning, leather reconditioning, wheel cleaning. What a magnificent machine!

Oh, yes, the dog - a personable mutt. On Christmas Eve we sat around the fireplace, yes, a gas fireplace, and sang carols. Wellllll, I told the dog to sing and made a few howling sounds and the canine jumped in by pointing that long snout of hers skyward and howling away. I swear, she has to have some wolf/husky DNA because she can howl with the best of them; she has the bat ears and the tip of her upturned tail has a splash of white. Thankfully, it was not loud enough to bother the neighborhood and summon the human authority figures with their pesky weapons. If they did, I'm confident that between the two of us, we could have taken them. She did wake me the next morning, by sticking her head in the room where I was sleeping, around 7:45 AM (yeah, I slept late) and barked once. Obviously, it was her feeding time to which she was kindly reminding me and to get my young ass up and prepare her culinary morning repast.

I started working at a part-time job in a retail establishment this past Sunday.The first couple of shifts have been fun so far - the fun part is interacting with the customers. The people I work with seem OK as well and I'm hoping that we all have fun together while we perform our corporate function. I was somewhat tired at shift's end due to being on my feet all that time. I received some feedback from a customer while I was enjoying a smoke break outside for a few minutes. He mentioned the fact of my willingness to engage and help customers and 'that no grass was growing under my feet'. Ain't heard that saying since grandma. He said that he was observing me - I wonder if he is affiliated with the store. And why was he watching me?? Anyway, I figure a long as I'm there, do my best and try to enjoy the situation. Hopefully, when I have to interact with a customer who is being a butt head, I must remember that the penal system does not recognize the defense 'but he was being such an asshole!' as a valid excuse to skewer that person in the gizzard and rip it out.

Finally, in an attempt to curry favor with the benefactor, I employed certain substances that I found in the property shed and constructed several proximity detonated mines and placed them in certain portions of his property that will supplement his already existing formidable security measures (force fields, directed energy weapons in the giga-watt range, 3 Vulcan class 15mm Gatlings with 5,000 round ammo tubs stocked with anti-armor ordinance, and certain highly classified orbital assets). All the mines are interfaced to a master-control Class 4 AI that I constructed out a discarded cellphone, a discarded Walkman radio (somewhat aged), two toothpicks and glue, and melded those components into a sentient network (saw it on McGyver years ago). If the AI goes down for any reason, control passes to independent mine control. I've accounted for every possibility during the numerous testing scenarios ......except for a certain good-natured canine wandering across the kill zone! Damn!

Gotta go,

David