Homeless - 99

Greetings,

I've read that the Native Americans are up in arms about their image being used in sports, namely as team names. It seems that there is a faction that views such usage as an affront to the Native American culture.

Before I go off on a tirade, let me remind you that I'm half Cherokee, half Irish...and half Vulcan. But to be fair to the Natives, I've been exposed to several different environments providing me with a more cosmopolitan viewpoint. Add that experience to the fact that I'm somewhat educated, decently read and somewhat open-minded. Contrast that condition to the perceptual constraints of the Natives who have little experience of seeing beyond the framework in which they were indoctrinated to as children and still adhere to as adults. I'm not saying that that culture wasn't maneuvered into a position of disadvantage by the invading Europeans. Further, I'm not saying that the early Europeans to this continent could have survived without the help of the Natives.

In my opinion, every individual existing today within the United States owes their existence and national identity to the Natives. They helped the first Europeans survive those early years and aided them in subsequent wars. Regardless of creed, color or religion, all owe an unending debt of gratitude to the Natives for the birth of our nation. Read your history and you will...never mind, history is being rewritten and/or modified to the serve the purpose of...whomever.

Again, I'm not saying that the forces of imperialism and capitalism, as we are experiencing today in various forms, have the same orientations as they started out with - that of improving the human condition for all. I have to grant that capitalism has been altered into a type of elitist capitalism where only the rich prosper and the rest of us are told to be thankful that we have jobs.

GRRRRRRR....must...control..aggression...circuits....

But the time to alter our course is long past.

It seems that I've digressed again.

The point is that our society hasn't treated the Natives well. That is not surprising considering how our system has treated other indigenous populations. Read your history, compare current events to...never mind.

To me, naming a sports team, whether professional or not, after icons of the cultural heritage of our country is a compliment in some form or fashion. Maybe that labeling is at the surface level but at deeper levels in our social consciousness, that action conveys a reverence and respect that rarely is evaluated..

Geeez, I wrote that last statement without a bong hit.

For example, let's take the Denver Broncos. A bronco is a wild horse, free and unshackled by the constraints of civilization. A bronco is an unbridled spirit roaming the plains as it pleases. If the name were changed to be palatable to the overly sensitive, what would the name be? The Denver Ballerinas? The Denver Burps? The Denver Snowboarders? Ehhh, the image is exactly something to aspire to is it?

The Dallas Cowboys is another example. A cowboy is an icon in American culture, an individual who has a strong moral code encompassing family and environment. The cowboy is a free spirit who will offer aid without thought of recompense to any in dire straits. He is empathic to the life around him and sensitive to its flow.

Unlike the current owner of the Cowboys and management who have dragged a proud legacy into a cesspool of greed and self-gratification. They have forgotten that the Cowboys are our team, not an icon that Jerry can stroke himself over.

Sorry, I digressed again but that view is held by many in  the area.

Okay, let's see. Dallas Cauliflowers? Dallas Cantaloupes? Dallas Cissies? Nope, none work.

The Pittsburgh Pirates is the last example. A pirate is a romantic figure in world history. They were a useful element in some wars - patriots to some. Generally, they were fair and honorable individuals. Unlike those Somalian pricks that plague current cargo shipping. I don't understand why those cargo ships aren't allowed to defend themselves with more lethality. There should be a mini-gun installation in each quadrant of the  ship, positioned to support each other with over-lapping fields of fire. Each weapon installation should have a 20,000 round ammo tub and at least one of those fire stations be crewed by an Elmer Fudd type - 'Come get some of this shit, you dirty wabbits!!'.

Let's see...the Pittsburgh Piccadilly's? The Pittsburgh Pansies? The Pittsburgh Potbellies? Naw...

Moving on...

I realize that this blog started out with a focal point of me and the homeless lifestyle - trials, tribulations, the journey in attempting to recover. There are times that it reflected a social aspect. That may be due to my life conditions that enabled me to maintain a somewhat awareness of the global events. One of the aspects of being homeless, at least in my case, is not having intelligent people around me on a constant basis to discuss events. I think that this is where this blog helped. It gave me a medium to vent some of my thoughts and opinions.

I know - I talk to Black Thunder but she mostly agrees with me.

The next several posts of this blog will be extremely personal. The focus will be on me and my activities. Those posts will be automatically published beginning on 5/27/13 at 8 AM. Each post after that will be published in two-hour increments.

Till then...

Homeless - 98

Happy Tuesday,

Odds and ends...

I've read that Ben Affleck and other celebrities are devoting some of their time to draw attention to the problem of poverty by existing on 1.50 a day. Admirable in the sense of focusing on an aspect of the human condition that wastes the human potential but fruitless in adequately addressing the problem. I imagine that their effort is similar to applying a band-aid to the wound of a decapitated human. The problem of poverty is a multi-sided issue where many solutions are needed to implement a successful eradication of that social condition.

It is an extremely low probability, given the current institutional elements, that poverty and homelessness will be erased from our society or any others' in the foreseeable future. And consider this: when humanity has the technology to populate other planets, will the political, economic and religious factions existing today be propagated to those places? You bet your ass they will. Think of the impoverished areas on our planet. Now think of entire planets existing within those degraded conditions due to previously mentioned factions of society. That condition needs to be repaired before we step off into new horizons.

Take a look at the timeline of poverty. Well, basically, that condition has been with us since day one. To choose an example among many, Christ said, from what I remember, that there will always be be poor and poverty among us. In my younger days, I had thought that Christ had said that from the perspective of prophecy. After all, he, as well as others like him, were quite formidable in addressing the non-linear aspects of the human spirit. Now, with the perspective of age and, much reading and experience, I'm seeing his statement in a different light. My current thought is that Christ made that statement from his viewpoint of knowing how the power of darkness of the human ego exerts over individuals' behaviour regardless of the spectrum of the the human population - rich man, poor man, doctor, lawyer or Indian chief - everybody has to fight it. Or in these days - politicians, corporate management, religious leaders, certain library management pricks and any other sector that comes to mind.

I must digress briefly at this moment to explain my perception of the human ego. I have been asked questions that can be grouped into the category of 'What the fuck does that mean?'.

To a large extent, the human ego, regardless of the social context, is shaped and molded by the forces of the environment that an individual inhabits. Freedom of choice - yeah, keep believing that illusion and avert thine eyes.

For me, there is an aspect of the human ego that enabled humanity to survive and grow throughout the ages to spread across the planet. The power of good is quite formidable: compassion, empathy, caring, helping, appreciation of life and others, selflessness, humility, etc.

The dark side of the ego is just as formidable: envy, greed, intolerance, callousness, disregard of the welfare of fellow humans now and future generations, domination through economic, political and religious structures, etc. The list is quite long and varied.

It seems to me that some people recognize that the true conflict exists within themselves and strive to eradicate the darker side of ego that chains us all. Unfortunately, given the current state of global affairs, there ain't enough of us around and in positions of authority.

Moving on...

A few nights ago, I did something I've never done before. No, not that, the other thing. I was younger and in love with two women who were adept at photography and very flexible...never mind. I awoke at 3:51 AM. At least, that is what BT's clock displayed. Both of my feet were  in an inordinate amount of distress. Yeah, the first time that happened. Usually, its one foot or the other. I tried the meditation thing that had been somewhat successful in the past but not this time. No, I'm not a Jedi yet; haven't learned to let go.

So I ate a small amount of nuts and raisins, downed several gulps of water, took a large shot of whisky, took 500mg of aspirin, downed some more water, ingested another small amount of nuts and took another shot of whiskey followed by several gulps of water. Let me tell you that the bite of whiskey early in the morning is quite jolting. At 4:21 AM the discomfort in my feet was gone. And yes, I was buzzed with no one around to BS with except Black Thunder. Rest assured, I didn't tell her anything that she didn't already know.

Yeah, seems that the medical condition is not improving

I'm used to employing joy juice as a party favor, not as a medicinal expedient In the old days, whiskey and its ilk were used in surgery as a numbing agent. That rotgut had to be especially ruinous, without ice and coke. Maybe that is why a lot of authors didn't reach old age. However, thanks to modern brewing technology, authors are living longer and producing more.  Or maybe its because you can detect the sweet, musky aroma of creativity that came from the bong sitting beside their whiskey.

There is a book that would do you good to read. Negatory, Heathcliff, not one of mine. This one was written by Steve Alten, titled The Shell Game. It is fiction but the book has a bibliography that serves as a solid foundation to the story line. It's about big oil, the 9/11 event, the Bush administration, political corruption and...well, a lot more. Well worth your time.

Next time...

Homeless - 97

Fellow humans,

Have you felt a sinking feeling in your gut over the years due to personal finances? Have you noticed that the legal tender that you desperately amass is not as big a pile as it used to be? Have you noticed that the big raises that you enjoyed in the past are a remote dusty memory? Fear not, you are not alone in your musings. As grandma would say, things ain't what they used to be.

Some people have come to the conclusion that capitalism is dead. Well, the idea, spirit and practice of pure capitalism has been vacant in the U.S. since the '60's. I think that during that era it was discovered how easily the political system could be manipulated to alter the corporate landscape to maximize corporate profits at any cost and damn the repercussions. The idea has mutated into a reflection of the elite that ignore the rules of the social contract so that they may benefit at the expense of others. And yes, a pox upon them, too, for their uncaring greed.

The basic tenet that I remember form my collegiate economic courses was that the major foundation of a capitalistic system was that everyone prospered in some way. The main concept that I remember was voiced by one of those instructors; where she got it from, I have no idea but the ring of truth in it still stands. She told the class that the healthy life of a capitalistic system is dependent on the free flow of currency at all levels. She furthered the example to the flow of blood in the human body; if circulation is restricted or pooled, the entire organism suffered.

With clogged arteries in my legs, her point has more of an impact on me these days.

I had the rumbling of this idea for several months, that something was out of balance in the economic health of the U.S. population. The perspective of several decades of life yields a point of view, provided that an individual remembers and occasionally lifts their head out of the daily muck and looks around, seeing the increasing imperfections of our systems - political, economic, religious - all three elements of population control.

But back to our capitalistic system, one that seems to spreading its tentacles across the planet. Throughout my years I have heard on more than one occasion of how labor unions have increased the average cost of living by their 'exiorbrant demands on corporations. From what I have read, labor unions comprise a small part in our economy. Again, in my opinion, they held corporate excesses in check, providing more of the 'life currency' to be shared. These days, labor unions are an endangered species, less than ten percent of  the influence on our economy. Corporate upper management and major stockholders are reaping the benefits in terms of increased capital at the expense of the health of our economy. More of that 'life currency'  is flowing into their coffers while the rest of the population suffers, trying to get by on less, by increased budgeting, and maintain their standard of living despite declining labor costs. Again, the health of the economic organism comes to light.

Is the market economy the best alternative that benefits the country and the citizens? How will this condition impact global societies? How will governments adjust their stance regarding national budgets? What effect will this economic stance affect the coming generations that are not of the elite? What impact will these conditions have on the infrastructure and institutions of the U.S.? The planet? Is public perception the best execution of an capitalist democratic society where perceptions are shaped by a controlled media? Is it a more subtle form of tyranny, a more palatable form of injustice?

I don't know but it ain't looking good for generations to come.

Unless there is a alien mothership arriving to deliver us from the dark aide.

I do know that the current elite orientation reeks of greed and uncaring aspect for future generations every where.

I have heard the adage 'the rich keep getting richer and everyone else gets poorer' many times throughout the years. The times I have heard that, I had thought that that statement was made by idiots who were unaware of the opportunities that were present and/or were to lazy to pursue them or that they were evil socialists. Not any more - they were right.

I came across a news article that summed the situation up nicely -  'Wages Are Losing the Battle' by Steven Greenhouse. Helanie Olen is another journalist that has written on the subject. Steven's article is constructed with pretty graphs (I'm a picture type of guy) and numbers that support the feelings that I, and probably many of you, have had regarding the subject but were unable to quantify. Helanie's article is more focused on the finance industry; she has a book about to be published on that sector and it ain't exactly complimentary.

Ah well, now we know why our green pile is getting smaller while we are being fed from the other pile and being told that everything is fine.

Next time...

Homeless - 96

Fellow humans,

Odds and ends...

The weather in the Dallas area is a bit different from the last ten of seasons that I remember. Today is 4/20 and it is a bit chilly. I recall times in previous seasons of it being warmer at this time, enough to partake of pool activities like swimming and other things that people do in the water. Not this season - still too cold. I've still the winter thongs utilized with the summer thongs just waiting to burst out onto the scene. The people in Montana are probably thinking what wimps we Texans are, and already thong-clad. Maybe the season difference is due to the climate change that our politicians said in the recent past was a non-issue. The Artic ice does seem to be diminishing and opening up that area  for shorter commercial passages...and resource extraction. Could that be the reason for multiple military presences in the Artic Circle? Even Nova Scotia has a battle fleet cruising those waters. Seriously, I've read where the Inuits of Greenland are positioning themselves to be a major player in that effort. Perhaps they remember what the Europeans did to the Native Americans years ago when the white man spoke with a forked tongue. That may not happen this time around. Maybe their environment will be better taken care of.

You can't live within an environment and not affect it; just ask the next beaver you meet at a bar or church.

If you have a Carl's Burger place in your neck of the woods - beware. I got a couple of coupons out of the paper and tried their sausage biscuits. They were decent. One night I tried their 1.49 burger that came with no frills. I had lettuce, tomato and mustard added. I was told that it would be an additional .39. It was Friday night and I felt like living it up Wang Chung style and said sure. As it turned out, the anemic slice of tomato was .39 and the small lettuce leaf was .39; yes, a substantial increase. They didn't charge me for the mustard though. I know, I was lucky.

A better deal can be had at Wendy's. Order their double stack for 1.99 and they'll put everything on it for free; plus the burger is of better quality.

The Boston marathon attack was...I don't know the words to express it. Two cowardly, pond scum sucking, worthless, idiotic, dumbassine, stupid, vermin infested, foul smelling, spineless, ball-less, overly flatulent,  demonic minions of the dark lord, toe scum sucking, (wait, not finished yet) shit eating pussies, low down, lying, cheating, egg sucking, honorless, godless heathens, misguided, plague infested, slimy, no good for nuthin', (pant, pant) yellow-bellied, chicken-thieving, low-life assholes killed some and maimed many of the race's participants. From what I've read, there was no political or religious reason behind the attack, no social statement to make. Even if there were, still ain't no excuse, as Grandma would say.

One of the things that I don't understand about such attacks is that they are aimed at the unsuspecting innocents. Why don't the terrorists go after the power and/or the people responsible for institutions? Why don't they mount offensive combat operations against the politicians or hardened targets like military bases or law enforcement elements? Instead, they go after the easy targets. Those cowardly...never mind - see above.

I feel for those race participants that lost a leg from those explosions. Maybe its just me but I see those people as those who love to run. Now some of them can't do that anymore, stripped of a major pastime that they enjoyed immensely. Not only were they physically injured but there are psychological issues at stake that will be years in duration.

You have to hand it to the Boston PD. They shut the area down - no ins, no outs, everybody stay inside. And then they ran those two worthless shits to ground.

I really think we need to institute public executions for assholes like these. Make it on a Friday night, sell tickets and air it on cable. The methods of execution are quite numerous and can be lengthy and quite entertaining. Imagine the perp being chased within an enclosed area by a horde of pissed-off Doxies. Being small in stature, they would have to start at the ankles and gnaw the perp's legs down until they were able to get to the vital entrails.

The buildup won't be of Super Bowl caliber but I think the ratings would be there.

Next time...

Homeless - 95

Happy Easter,

Good luck to you all on the Easter egg hunt. Back in the day, I always hunted them critters with a pump-action .12 gauge, with plenty of reloads. They are quick and agile, so you have to get close and usually employ a round or two. There were times I got my limit. When I didn't, it was due to those who hunted them by choppers armed with twin mini-guns with a 8,000 round capacity. Like grandma said, that just ain't sportin'.

You might as well hear it from me rather than on a CNN breaking news segment: I'm a feminist.

Hang on there a minute, Poboy, put down your PBR Lite and prepare to be educated from your ignorant ways. One of the courses that I took last semester was one of analyzing popular culture, specifically media.  That course examined the role of media in all of its varied forms - TV, movies, text, video gaming, social media, online persona via Facebook, etc. The course also examined the different perspectives, filters or paradigms that are employed to view the phenomena of the world within a social context. Those perspectives included Marxist, narrative, rational, feminist as well as several others.

I have always had a problem with categorizing people and social classes. When either is delegated to an arena of defined boundaries that are based on cultural, political, religious and/ or racial perceptions that are ego-driven, these viewpoints are constraining. They limit the perceptions of those applying those labels and using them, and it limits those who the labels are being applied to. The author of the collegiate text had somewhat different definitions for some of those labels. I forgot her name; my usually steel-trap memory has lost a few teeth. The definition of a feminist that I had in my mind was that of a widely-accepted perspective, that of women being under-utilized and lacking in equal status to men. I know what you are thinking; I thought the same thing when I was an ignorant and uneducated Jedi apprentice - that feminists were a group of women that met on a regular basis at a bar, trashed-talked we men folk (not that we are undeserving of it on a collective basis), toasted their drinks with 'POWER TO THE VAGINA'. Being a hetero male, I don't have any problems with that. I do have fond memories of...never mind.

This author's definition is that feminists are for everybody - equal rights, business opportunities, education, housing, whatever. It seems that they don't care if you are an Amazonian pygmy fresh out of the jungle. Everyone should be treated fairly without bias or special consideration. You don't see that attribute much these days. If you are part of an elite group in business, you will have no problem finding a job. If you belong to a certain political faction, you may have a safe haven from which to obtain special favors. If you belong to a socially recognized religion, the brethren will take you in.

And it shouldn't be like that. The problem that I have with special interest groups is that they elbow everybody else out of the way and put their group first in line, for promotion or at least try to. It's almost as if they're saying that their viewpoint is the most important.

Again, the feminist perspective doesn't care; only that you are living being regardless of other socially defined factors. From a purely resource management perspective, I have had the opinion for many years that the human female component in all societies are grossly under-utilized. It seems that the male perspective of women delegates them to a secondary role. Yet, there are numerous examples in history that point out the significant contributions made by women to humanity at large in any arena that you can name.

The negative power of prejudice is astounding.

Another of that author's definition was that of a Marxist paradigm. From what I remember of reading about Marx's work (not of the Marx brothers, the other one), was that all forms of governments are evolving to a state of pure communism, an idealistic state of society that advocates equality for all in terms of resources, social standing, opportunities, etc. Don't worry, Putin, that ain't happening as long as the politicians who are in control are at the mercy of the dark side of their human ego. It seemed that the author zeroed in on aspect of Marx's work that I missed the first time around - that those who are in control deserve to be in control. I don't agree with that. Take the current situation in our political system; there are some  in control that lack the ethical substances to properly execute their duties. And maybe the actual skill to accomplish optimal end results of their official responsibilities.

Moving on...

Due to my economic situation, I have been unable to indulge in a favorite pastime - movies. There a lot of good ones out there. Due to my failing eyesight, cost and lack of a DVD player in BT, that was a downside that I had to accept. However, a day when I was sitting at a computer station in the branch library that I frequent, I noticed an input for a DVD. I picked one for a test and watched it with no problems. Oh yes, the light bulb lit - I found an alternative, one that has been there all along. Though I can't light up a smoke, I can watch a recently released movie at the library that has been channeled to a DVD. I plug in some ear phones and enjoy. I limit myself to two a week. And maybe an installment of a couple of TV series that are currently on. No, not Glee.

As I said, I never claimed to be the brightest light-saber in the shed.

I have gained a few pounds back since I got over the flu; back up to 188. Clothes still hang off me more so than usual.

I executed one of my duties as a citizen this week and filed a tax return, coming clean with the government about my vast financial empire. The good news is that I am due a return of $166. The bad news is that I won't see a penny due to my outstanding balance of taxes owed to the IRS. A pox upon them. May their genitals wither and drop off.

Next time...

Homeless - 94

Continuing...

Now, let's talk about the medications. I take them in the morning and evening at meal times. They make me feel groggy, sleepy and/or dizzy when standing, devoid of energy and ambition that I used to feel in executing my daily activities. I really don't want to sleep walk through life but these drugs make it pretty damn easy. Did I have mention that I have things to do?  I'm compelled to take a power nap in the late mornings and mid-evenings. Maybe I could do this in another lifestyle but in my current one, not so much. Taking a bunch of pills to stay alive seems unpalatable to me especially when they degrade my physicality.

Growing old was not supposed to be like this, at least not to my younger, naive perception. I can take the decreased physicality, not being able to out run, out fight and out fuck any mammal on the planet but having to take drugs to stay alive wasn't anticipated. That attribute alone degrades the quality of life for me. I know what you're thinking. Taking drugs to stay alive should be a no-brainer. We're trained and educated to value life and to prolong it at nearly any cost. The fear of death is ingrained within us but is a life plagued by sickness and decreased physicality worth the trouble?

Of course, the pharmaceuticals and insurance industry are dry stroking themselves all over the place with the legalized cash cow that they have in place. Their business models are based on treating the disease, not curing it. I fail to see the difference between the legal and illegal drug pushers.

Wait, I got it! One is legal because it consistently makes 'donations' to politicians to enact laws to ensure their continuing profitability of said industries that manipulate our existing capitalistic system for their benefit. I don't know what term to apply our economic system but it ain't capitalism. We'll get to that in a later post.

And there is the other thing about getting old - vision. I swear, when we reach a certain age. does our DNA computer throw the 'fuck it' switch, preparing for a mortality flush? Anyway, I didn't need glasses until '08. The optometrist said that I had developing cataracts. It seems that the UV technology has gotten better over the years but I spent a lot of time outdoors when that tech wasn't as good as it is today.

These days I very rarely venture out of my section; well, only rarely but with a recon during daylight hours if I need to be at a place at a certain time. Images are a bit fuzzy at about forty meters and beyond. Hell, a drunken pygmy could sneak up on me. When BT is traveling at warp, my interpretation and decision time is limited or non-existent and nobody's reflexes are that good to make adjustments. The optometrist said that my condition can easily be cured by laser surgery. That means, according to her, that an optometrist who is skilled in the finer aspects of employing lasers, can fine tune those puppies to burn that evil from my eyes and restore my full eyesight. I'm assuming that said optometrist will adjust the laser from 'vaporize bulldozer' to 'fix eyeballs'. And the procedure only costs eight thousand dollars.

So again, if any of you know of an optometrist in the Dallas area who is adept in this kind of surgery and willing to do pro bono work, let me know.

Lastly, there is the diet thingy. Since my current lifestyle became active, I don't have access to food storage and preparation. I'm sure that the detrimental effects of having the fast food industry supply your main source of meals has been remarked upon a time or two. When you have limited means, there aren't that many healthy alternatives. Also, from time to time, a free meal is offered at those establishments via coupons. My home-cooked meals are few and far in between. These days, I eat a couple of decent meals a week at Norma's Cafe - good stuff. Three or four times a week, I eat a two dollar salad from a Kroger's salad bar. Beyond the nuts and dried fruit that I keep in BT, it is fast food (high-fat, high- cholesterol, high-death quotient) that supplies the remainder of my diet; always kids' meals though. As it is, perhaps too much, given my current medical condition. During cold weather, those visits increase. On cold mornings I visit a Brahms for a biscuit and something, plus they have the morning paper.

At the beginning of this lifestyle, I knew that working out was a high priority in maintaining health. I had thought that exercise would counter balance my genetic heritage which is a poor one at best. On the maternal side, there was cancer, circulatory problems, heart attacks and Alzheimer's. On my father's side, well, I only have one example - him. I met him a couple of times in my life, the last time being in the early '80's during my first college tour. At that time, he had had three bypasses, babbled like an idiot and had a huge belly - ain't no telling the last time he saw his dick without the aid of a mirror. That experience disgusted and scared me. I wondered at that time if my genetics would make me turn out that way. So far, I can look down and still see the floor. However, forget about long walks in the woods. I'm fortunate to be able to walk down two or three grocery aisles without my legs cramping up.

Well, life goes on for now, a heartbeat and a breath at a time.

Next time...

Homeless - 93

Greetings,

The year of 2013 didn't begin as well as most other years in my life; not that those times were legendary by any measure.

There were times in the final quarter of '12 that my toes would ache, especially my left big toe. I know that it sounds wimpy but consider the usage that those appendages endure and you may be able to see their value. During those times the pain would be enough to keep me from sleeping or rouse me from sleep. Walking to class on a spacious campus without valet parking became an ordeal. My calves would cramp up and I would have to sit until they subsided. I had no problems during a hard workout but a few minutes afterward, I couldn't put any pressure on my left foot without whimpering  like the lightweight I am. After a few minutes the pain would go away.

I know what you're thinking but I don't have medical insurance. I thought, and hoped, that the condition was temporary. I think that is called denial. And that toe was turning all sorts of unpleasant colors.

The first week in January, the discomfort escalated enough that I thought to hell with it and went to an ER.. To make a short story even shorter (?), I have high blood pressure, extremely so. That condition initiated a response on their part that consisted of throwing two tiny pills down my throat. Then they withdrew blood for lab analysis. Then a sonogram (?) tech came in to do a probe on my left leg. Previously, the ER nurse tried to get me to shed clothes and put on a hospital gown - you know, one of those flimsy garments with easy access to your butt. I told her that that ain't happening and removed the outer layers of what I was wearing until I was down to tank top and shorts. Did I mention the cold weather? Anyway, I drifted off during the hour-long sonogram procedure three times and apologized. The tech replied it was common due to the BP medication I was given.

The ER doctor returned later with the analysis - clogged arteries in my legs were the cause of lower leg cramps and the pain in my toes. He said that this event was a wake-up call. The obstruction of blood flow that was causing the pain could have easily been an event in my heart or brain. He gave me prescriptions for pain, high BP and cholesterol-lowering medications. Thanks to Wallmart, I can get them cheaply. He also urged the care of a primary care doctor. He said that the BP has to come down and that I need the attention of a vascular surgeon in the near future. But before that visit, I need a couple of tests performed to determine the degree of blockage in my circulatory system before the vascular surgeon can address my issues. I was given a list of low-cost clinics for continuing care. After much phone work, I found one and scheduled an appointment for the following week.

After the clinic doctor reviewed my medical data, she prescribed more of the same meds sans painkillers; seems that the clinic doesn't deal in that med. She also urged reduced physical activity; no working out but stretching out is okay. Whoopee-do but I employed her advice and still do but I cheat a little by doing low reps and lower weights. It ain't the same as a good workout.

Okay, now I have a death sentence hanging over my head. Intellectually, we all know that being born entails that somewhere down our path on this planet, we die. On an emotional level, it is an entirely different story. All the activities that person performs during the course of a day acquires an enhanced degree of immediacy and value - nothing is taken for granted.

The thing I'm wondering is the appearance of this condition. I broke a little finger playing water volleyball in '04 or '05. I know; that sounds kind of wimpy, too. That injury necessitated surgery. Since I hadn't seen a doctor in years, the surgeon wanted some tests done - cardiac stress test (including sonogram of my young supple heart in action - I saw the movie) and blood analysis. Everything came back green. Did my current condition develop since moving into BT in '07?

So if any of you know of a vascular surgeon in the Dallas area who is willing to prolong my life on a pro bono basis, please let me know. After all, there are things I want to accomplish before I leave the planet.

And as if the gods, being the fickle bitches that they are, didn't pile enough on my plate, I contracted the flu a couple of days after the ER visit.

In my experience, you're walking along minding your own business and something at the visceral level throws a switch and you know you're coming down with some evil. Oh no, not this time for me. It was a full court press. I suddenly started shivering, sinuses knotted up and a fever came upon my young hide for a few moments and then subsided. The gods were letting me know that my butt was theirs and the next twelve days were a miserable time, bundled up in BT. Oddly enough, my illness coincided.with the coldest night temperatures for the Dallas area. Knowing the contagious aspect of this evil, I shunned humans; no visiting the rec center for scrubbing up, no visiting the library. I also had no interest in eating. I lost weight. Normally, I'm around 195 - 200 pounds. During that time, my weight dropped to 180.

I pulled through that evil to a more joyous time - that of feeling well.

Continuing in next post...